This has not been a fun week. There have been several different situations occur that have forced me way out of my comfort zone and caused me to have to stand in very lonely and difficult positions. I absolutely HATE confrontation or hurting anyone's feelings.
1. There was an issue with my Bible Study. I have so been enjoying that group and the fellowship of other women. But we started a new series this week, and it was simply not truth. In fact, the man whose book we are studying is a Universalist.
So I had to take a tough stand and confront what I believe is heresy. It has made me a very unpopular person, and a very lonely one. Even though I have tried to be respectful and as gentle as possible, I dared to question a beloved teacher, and then had to take it to a higher authority. So my name is mud.
I also lost my outlet for fellowship and study with other women.
2. One of my dear friends in ministry is currently making some decisions that go against God's principles. I have tried to be honest with her, and am concerned that she is on a fast track to a lot of pain, hurt, and possibly the end of her ministry.
However, I seem to be the only one counseling her against pursuing the relationship with this man. Even though others have concerns, no one wants to hurt her feelings.
It has caused a barrier between us, and makes me sad. Not only that, but I feel like it will ultimately hurt her ministry and the lives that God has given her stewardship of. The Lord puts boundaries in place to protect us and to guard His Holiness. When we violate that, there are consequences.
3. I learned this week that one of my own mentors, and a man I deeply respect, resigned from his church after confessing to a moral shortcoming.
I believe that in this case he could be biblically restored, and the situation can lead to a powerful testimony of the grace of God. But my fear is that it won't happen.
Ministers are just as human and as susceptible to falling as anyone else. Most people will acknowledge that.
But few churches create a healthy or safe climate for those who are struggling. There is no way to find healthy accountability when they first begin to slip, and no place to find restoration when they do fall. We have built a culture of condemnation.
I personally will not condemn or shame this man, and chose to remove myself from some conversations as a result.
I am sad and grieved for him and his family, because I know that he truly loves the Lord, and that he has been used powerfully in the lives of many people through the years. I can only imagine how much he is beating himself up over all of this, and admire his character in coming forward when he could easily have continued to hide the sin.
I also know that "but for the grace of God go I." All of us deal with temptation and struggles of the flesh.
4. I've had to tell some people who I love that their deepest conviction is a lie.
I struggle with this, because so many of my friends are not Christians. Many of them subscribe to other world religions. They are devout in their beliefs, and very dedicated in the practice of their faith. Yet so, so lost.
Tomorrow night one of those friends is coming to dinner. He is a wonderful person whose company we truly enjoy, and also a devout Muslim. On Sunday we will be spending time with another couple who are in a similiar position.
A popular mindset here in Pittsburgh is the notion that "as long as a person is truly SEEKING, and is devout in their faith, then God will surely have mercy on them and allow them into heaven."
But that is simply not Biblical. There is no other name on earth by which men may be saved.
Do you know how hard it is to answer a friend when they ask, "So you believe that I will go to hell, because I don't serve YOUR God?" It would be so much more comfortable, and so much easier, to say, "God is so loving and merciful that He will forgive anyway, as long as you truly are seeking."
But we cannot water down the truth. If we believe in the inerrant, infallible Word of God, then there is no compromise.
Even when it hurts.
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15 comments:
Kiki -
Wow. That is a lot to deal with at once. At first I was going to say "I admire your strength to take a stand." But then, I thought, she probably isn't interested in being admired at the moment, what she probably really needs is a hug. :)
So you can consider this comment a long-distance hug from me to you. My heart lifts in prayer for you in this moment.
Dorcas
Kiki -
I'm sorry you have felt battered lately. Sometimes it is so lonely to simply not conform! I hope that you can feel God wrap His loving arms around you today and let you know that He sees and He knows...
Kiki,
I just sent you an e-mail before I read this. Yes, there is a heavy burden going on with you right now. My prayers are with you and Doug. I knew this already, but this is confirmation that God must really have a high opinion of you and your family--not many would be able to live faithfully under this many angles and remain uncompromised. I am reminded that one of the promised inheritors of holiness is persecution and hardship--the pleasant rewards of holiness and lives lived for God often don't appear this side of glory. I pray your upcoming conversations prove fruitful in the hearts of those God has put in your path.
Pursuing Answers to Questions of Faith & Life,
Kelly Reed
Kiki,
I can't even begin to know what you're feeling right now. I don't know if this is any consolation, but you have just given your children an example of what it means to be a committed follower of Jesus, not only by standing up for what is right but also by being compassionate and merciful toward your mentor. May you feel His presence in your loneliness, and may His strength sustain you through all of these situations.
Thanks, guys.
It's been an interesting three years. We had expected some of the struggle. We knew we were coming to a tough region.
But having a head knowledge of that, and dealing with the reality of it are two very different things.
Looking back, I don't think we expected: 1) To still be struggling to find a church/friends/peers by this point 2) The opposition we've encountered from within the body of Christ
Doug just came back from Catalyst, and was there with some of the staff from our sending church in Oklahoma. It was a refreshing time for him. He said it felt so good just to laugh and be "one of the guys."
But getting a taste of that fellowship has made him miss it even more. His countenance has reflected that these past few days.
The bottom line, though, is that God called us here. HE can help us make it to the end, even when our feelings don't match up with our calling.
Wow, so many attacks in such a short time--I am thankful you are sure of your calling--I know God will encourage you and provide for you! Keep looking up!
Reading your #3 above reminded me of a chapter in a book I am currently reading. The chapter is entitled, "Choose Being Kind over Being Right". The author talks about the fact that we all have chances to point out to people their mistakes, things they could/should have done differently, ways to improve, chances to "correct" people, etc.
What the writer says, though, that the next time we have the chance to correct someone, even if their facts are off, to ask ourselves, "what do I really want out of this interaction?" Chances are most of us want a peaceful interaction where all parties leave feeling good.
He goes on to say that this strategy shouldn't be confused with being a wimp, or not standing up for what we believe in. It's OK to be right--only don't insist on being right--unless we are willing to pay the price of our insisting on being "right" and the other party "wrong" with a damaged relationship.
I say all the above in that this is something I have battled all my life. "Being right" all the time doesn't make us a lot of friends. I am trying to be kinder and more understanding, without insisting that the other party understand they are wrong. I am coming to understand that maintaining a good relationship with these "wrong people" is more important than putting them in their place. I have damaged a lot of relationships that I have cherished by my insistence on correcting others faults.
There does come a time when we must take a stand. This seems to be the case for you in what you write above, but I wanted to share a bit of what we are learning as we struggle through many similar issues here ourselves.
Know we are praying for you!
Kiki,
God will honor your stand, although it a difficult and painful one to make.
Regarding the man you spoke of, he is so broken and we know firsthand his grief and the grace he is experiencing from God and thankfully, others. My husband has been spending a lot of time with him. Please continue to pray for him and his family.
We will continue to pray for you, Doug, and the kids in the work you are doing for Christ at CMU. Though we hit bumps along the way and go through teaching times, I know and often cling to Phil. 1:6 that "He who began a good work in us will be faithful to complete it."
God bless and strengthen you,
Stacey
Stacey,
I'm so glad to hear that Robbie has been able to be there for him. The whole church family has been on my mind and heart a lot lately.
I remember when another very similar situation happened several years ago. I was devastated. But it has been good to see how God, over time, has restored those relationships and brought healing and renewal.
Both of those men have greatly impacted my life. Those years at Central are where I formed the foundations of my walk with the Lord.
I am thankful for all that they invested in me and taught me.
I'm so glad that you guys can be there at this time. I'll be praying for you, too.
Guy,
You're right. I struggle with that sometimes, too.
It's hard to know where the line is, and how to balance grace and accountability.
Historically, I have erred on the other side--not confronting things that need to be dealt with. I just hated conflict that much.
However, in the past three years, I think the pendulum has swung more in the other direction. Maybe it's that shepherding instinct--an overzealousness to protect those in our care.
I'm still struggling to find balance. In this particular case, I'm more confused than ever as to what to do.
I wish God would just handle it and the whole situation be over. Part of me would like to walk away from it all and just not have the dilemma anymore.
Whoops.
Guy--I got my own #2 and #3 mixed up. What I was referring to in my previous post was the situation above the one you elaborated on.
Kiki,
I wondered why you have been silent for a few days.
I am sorry about the Bible study group, I know your heart wanted that to be a special place.
My pendulum started on the accountability side and God over the years has allowed personal experiences to season it with a lot of grace.
Our prayers are with you.
"The battle is not ours, but God's"
Troy
A Universalist? Oh the horror! It must be sickening to have to spend time with with someone who actually BELIEVES Jesus is the Messiah as foretold by the prophets of old!
So, in your religion, someone who believes God's love is greater than our wildest imagination is lower than the drunkard, the prostitute, and the tax collector? Whatever the case, they are surely not worthy of your magnificent presence! I'm glad I am loved by Jesus, because I know I can't count on your love.
Everybody knows that God's love is only there for us if we:
1. Want it
2. Possess a "correct" theology
I am sad for you, friend. You are missing out on the greatest gift God has... salvation of the mind... that cleansing of our souls from the fears and doubts in which we've been indoctrinated, and live within.
May you someday break free from the religious mindset which divides you from others based on your twisted views of God. May God's peace come to you through His love, and unify you with His people.
Fearful people see evil and flee it. Loving people see good and embrace. It's time to break the bonds of fear and live freely in Christ, knowing that He made the way to righteousness for all!
Thrive! Enjoy God!
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