These past few months have been an incredibly confusing and stifling period in my life.
I have been raised in a denomination that puts a lot of stock in spiritual authority figures. And as a woman, I have also been taught to submit and defer to the leadership of men within the church.
BUT......over the course of the last year, I have had to reevaluate a lot of things. Actions have been taken by church authorities that have sounded warning bells in my head. There have been events which brought a check in my spirit and which did not seem to line up with what God Himself had taught me in His Word.
I have found myself bogged down in a mire of legalism and religious oppression, not sure who to believe anymore, and second-guessing my own ability to even hear God for myself (because I was actually told that I was incapable of doing so.)
BUT THOSE ARE LIES FROM SATAN!!!!!! The true message of the gospel brings freedom, not bondage. Grace, not legalism. Passion for the lost, not indifference toward the non-elect. Love, honor and respect--not an attempt to prove oneself better than another.
So I am taking some time to get away from the voices that have been influencing my life recently. Some of them have been positive, and I am thankful for those godly men and women who I have met along the way. But many more have been confusing, hurtful, and negative.
I am currently doing Beth Moore's "Believing God" study. In it, she talks about "spiritual breathing." We inhale the written word of God, and exhale the living Word of God.
I need to get back to the basics of spiritual breathing. I have been in an unhealthy cycle of hearing from God through His Word, but then allowing the voices of men to suffocate me. I have questioned whether God can really speak directly to me.
But the Word of God is "living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart." (Heb. 4:12) It stands alone and lasts forever. I don't have to have a priest or minister interpret it for me. God's Word is not only for the spiritually elite. It is for ordinary people. And children. And whoever chooses to believe.
I can read it for myself. I can boldly approach the throne of Grace. And the Holy Spirit can teach me through the Word of God. I am not dependent on the wisdom of "religious" men for my spirituality. God is the only one I can fully trust and count on. He is all I really need.
He is who He says He is. His Word is TRUTH. I am who He says I am. I choose to believe that. I choose to silence the unhealthy voices around me, and simply hear the voice of GOD. I choose to breathe again.
About Me
- Kiki Cherry
- I'm on a perpetual quest to fulfill my purpose, and in that, am seeking to define myself apart from titles and tradition. I want to have an authentic, transparent life as a simple "follower of Christ", no matter how polished or messy that may be. My deepest desire is to see Christ glorified and His name renowned to the ends of the earth.
21 comments:
Thanks for this good word. I can surely identify with what you write.
Wed. nite I went to a prayer meeting with a heavy heart and my head spinning from everything going on. I was in no mood to pray. It was pouring rain and doubted anybody would even show up on such a terrible night.
But God needed to speak to me and did so by sending two new week- old believers who showed up dripping wet. We had prayed for them just the previous week. Both openly shared the miracle of how Christ had transformed their life, saved their marriage and how happy they were. They delightfully participated in the song singing, even making a request to sing a hymn they didn't even know "Have Thine Own Way, Lord" but asked to sing it because they liked the text. Both were encouraged to pray out loud for the first time and did so as part of the general prayer time along with the others who eventually showed up. Their prayers were raw and simple yet I was profoundly touched by the beauty of their sincere gratitude for Christ saving them and given them a second chance on life.
It was if God himself was saying, "this is where my heart is, this is what matters, as long as you keep doing the right things that are in your power to control, I will continue to bless you..."
It dawned on me at that moment nothing decided in IMB BoT meetings is going to be able to stop the mounting tidal wave of God preparing for himself a bride around the world. He is God. His Kingdom WILL come and his will IS going to be done, one way or another. I want to be a part of this Kingdom work. Along with my two new brothers in Christ I humbly reconsecrate myself today to the Lord's service by slowly singing that same hymn. Will you join me?
Have thine own way Lord,
Have thine own way
Thou art the Potter
I am the clay
Mold me and make me after Thy will
While I am waiting
Yielded and still...
I'm late and have got to run off to a baptism in one of the house churches this Friday afternoon. Three prostitutes who gave their lives to Christ are getting baptized in 20-minutes and I don't want to miss it!
Kiki,
Take a few days and be still and quiet. I myself am leaving Sunday after worship for a 3 day sabbatical. It will be good just to sleep and seek God.
I pray God will give you rest and peace and contentment. And that most of all he will give you himself.
Blessings
David
Mountain time. Good. It's much nicer up there than on here.
You go girl..... Enjoy His presence.
Kiki,
Good decision. You are as much a child of God as any man -- never forget that! And my opinion is that you have a lot more common sense and Christlikeness than a lot of guys I know.
Guy,
Thanks for your words of wisdom, and as always--for the stories!!!!! I get so excited reading about what God is doing in Guayuaquil. And you are right--we can't get distracted from the things that really count.
Wednesday I had interactions/hugs/spent time throughout the day with 12 different students who are lost, and who I have been praying for literally over a year now. Each one of them has a special place in my heart.
Sometimes I just want to scream at God, "Do you even hear my prayers for these kids?" Three of them will be graduating in six weeks. I feel like time is running out, and yet they are no closer to accepting Christ.
Here's the only way I know to describe it.
When I hear a story of a child being killed in some tragic way, I sometimes try to imagine what it must be like to be in that poor parent's shoes. But I can't--because the thought is so horrific that my imagination won't allow me to go there.
That's how I feel with our lost students sometimes. I love these guys so much, and yet the thought remains, "what if they ultimately never choose Christ?" I can't even allow my mind to go there. The thought is too horrific to me.
So sometimes this work gets really discouraging.
And then our denominational messiness weighs heavily on me. What bothered me the most about this past week was that we ignored the most important point of the whole issue!!!(whether or not we were implementing policies that are unbiblical.) It seemed to be totally swept under the rug.
I love Wade, and care about his status on the board. But I am more concerned about protecting the integrity of the Word and what I believe is Biblical!!! I just sometimes stop and ask, "What have we become? What are we doing?"
And there were some more denominational issues that hit at a personal level. Our quest to find a fellowship of believers, or even a friend each who we can just let our hair down and be ourselves with, has been difficult. We are very, very alone right now in our ministry.
But Thursday night we had several new visitors in worship--including one of our Muslim kids. And one of the Seniors told me that he has been evaluating his life over Spring Break, and has decided that there has "got to be more." He asked if it is okay for him to come to CrossSeekers, even if he is "nominally Catholic" at best. So I am still clinging to that hope!!!
This is a really tough period of our lives. But I am trying to hang on to the words of this song, "when the darkness closes in, still I will say, 'Blessed Be Your Name.'"
I am so looking forward to the day, though, when I can worship together with all of you guys on the other side. We will be able to sing "Have Thine Own Way, Lord" and "Blessed Be Your Name" and a thousand other songs together, away from all the sin, and darkness, and messiness of earth.
And I hope we get to sing it in at least a thousand different languages!!!!! I can't wait for that moment. I am so excited about being with every nation, tribe and tongue, finally able to experience true fellowship with my other brothers and sisters.
David,
You are the constant encourager! I can't wait to meet you guys "live and in color". Thank you for hangin' in there with us, and for keeping my eyes on the goal. You also know how tough it can be--you are in pioneer missions, too!!! Yet your attitude and resolve are amazing. I am so thankful that God brought you guys into our lives. : )
Joe,
Thanks, friend. I have been praying muchly for you as well. I know things have not been easy in Mobile/New Orleans. One of these days, though, the light will dawn at the end of the tunnel. But for right now, I'll sing the words to "Blessed Be Your Name" for you and me both. Then when we get to a point of reprieve, where we can stop and take a deep breath, we'll have a big party. Deal????
Rodney,
Thank you!!! I appreciate your prayers and encouragement.
Steve,
Thanks for those words!!! I needed to hear them more than you know. I used to ask God, "If you were going to call me to ministry, why didn't you just make me a man???!!!!" Of course, my husband and kids are glad that He didn't! ; )
But, I need to hear that sometimes. And I have been hit hard in that area this year.
Thanks for all of your encouragement, and words of wisdom. I hope that we can meet you in Greensboro. And I should have some stuff in the mail to you by Tuesday.
Everyone--
I will still be checking in occasionally this next week. I sometimes have students/friends in crisis who need immediate answers.
However, I won't be reading any other blogs or SBC news. I just need to get away from all the denominationalism for a week. So I will still be available for any NECESSARY correspondence, but probably only once a day.
Thanks for understanding.
Go watch a NASCAR race!
as a good song goes:
love will find a way.
it'll be ok. and we're on for a party!
Kiki,
I've said this before, but I think it might do you good to hear it again: you have been such an encouragement and example to me. I may be a man and a pastor, but I have learned much from you about what it means to have a deep passion and longing for God Himself and a true brokenness for the lost. If you can have such a positive influence on a person who has never even met you, I can only imagine the impact you're having on your campus, even if you can't always see the results. And the godly influence you've had on your children is obvious.
Just as you have been praying for me and my situation, be assured that I am praying that God will renew your spirit and strengthen your sense of dependence on Him. So take this time to simply enjoy His presence.
One really excellent thing about being baptist is the emphasis on soul freedom. The Bible is written for you to read it. The Holy Spirit is there to direct you. You do not have to depend on what others tell you about God because you can discover God for yourself.
I am always self-reflective during the Lenten season. I wonder if I am at the place where God wants me to be. Somehow I always receive quiet assurances or a message to self-correct, but I have no doubt that God speaks directly to me.
Be assured that whatever questions you may have, God is directing you. It is good to see that bible study is helping to focus your attention on the things of God.
You are an encourager and I look forward to your return. I'll be praying for you. In Christ with Love.
Good reminder to keep the right priorities. Thanks!
Bless you, KiKi
God is sufficient and has not given up on His church which is so much bigger than denominational politics. He is, indeed, a God of freedom.
Dear Kiki,
The sermon at our place today was from Mark 4 about how the kingdom grows. Very encouraging for ministers, especially of the missionary variety. You are wrong that some of the students you've been working with are not closer to believing than they were. Night and day the seed grows, even though you do not know how.
I wish I could be there for you guys in person. I'm sorry I can't. But I love you both very much, and I'm praying for you.
Love in Christ,
Jeff
Kiki - your ministry is important. You are an encouragement to me to not settle for the mediocre in life. Thanks for being part of our blog community. Your voice is as important and necessary as everyone else's. That's what being the body of Christ is all about. Each little blood cell matters! Thanks!
Kiki,
I've been encouraged by your straightforward honesty about your feelings and struggles and I affirm what so many others have said above and what you acknowledge in your post. God will speak to you as you seek Him in His Word. Remember Heb. 11:6 about the impossibility of pleasing God apart from faith, and especially the two things we're to believe about God--that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. How does He reward those who seek Him? By disclosing Himself to them (Deut. 4:29). Enjoy your time alone with Him in these days. He's anxious to meet with you.
Kiki,
Hang in there! You are an encouragement to more of us out here than you know.
And if you and Doug ever feel lonely to the point of just needing to hang out and "let your hair down," we do that all the time down here, and we'd be glad to meet you at some point along the 3.5 hour journey from our field of service to yours.
And thank God for women who have answered the call to ministry and serve faithfully. Your gender may prevent you from being a pastor, but that in no way means that God doesn't speak to you, or that God doesn't use you, and in many ways and times in probably greater and clearer ways than He would speak to and/or use a pastor.
You made me aware of one incident where someone made you feel you couldn't have a voice because you are a woman. Such a hierarchical view is in no way Biblical, and reflects a very immature, culturally massaged understanding, regardless of the gender, education, fame or impartance of the one who holds it.
Don't grow faint in doing what is right (Galatians 6:9). Know that I'm praying for your students even now.
hey Kiki,
Greetings for Shawnee, Ok!
I am recently married and living in Oklahoma (I think you know the latter). Its tough with the things of the world to stay calm and believe God is in control. The longer I am out in the real world, I realize this. Satan tries to attack us when we are ready to do great things for him. I pray for peace everyday I go to work at the hospital I work at since it can be a dark place full of suffering. Continue on in the good work God has called us to! Remember, God is our provider (My husband, Trevor, tells me this all the time).
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