Pour Down Like Rain

This week is the fourth anniversary of our vision trip to PA. It was on October 24, 2002, that we arrived in Harrisburg amidst snow flurries and falling leaves.

At that point, we were just praying and seeking God's direction--whatever that might be. I was secretly hoping that He would let us stay in Oklahoma City. I loved working at the Children's Home, and being so close to my parents--who had finally retired on American soil.

But God had a different plan. That night, as freezing rain pelted the roof of the mission house, my heart began to change. Here is my journal entry from that day:

God woke me up about 3am, and began speaking to me. The words of a Mercy Me song were playing in my head.

"Word of God speak.
Would you pour down like rain.
Washing my eyes to see Your Majesty.
To be still and know that You're in this place.
Please let me stay and rest in your Holiness.
Word of God speak."

Scripture verses began to pop in my head. Most of them were about God's character and faithfulness. Praise songs played in my mind, and I had a really sweet time of intimate fellowship with the Lord.

God spoke very clearly. "I am in this place." In my heart I understood that He was at work in Pennsylvania, and I suddenly had an overwhelming sense of peace and contentment.

In my quiet time, I had just started the book of Joshua. That second morning in PA, I read what was already one of my favorite passages of scripture.

Joshua 1:5-9 "No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you.
Be strong and courageous, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land that I swore to their fathers to give them.
Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go.
This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

In the past when I have read that passage, it's the "be strong and courageous", "meditate on the Word" and "the Lord is with you" messages that I notice.

But this time verse 5 seemed to jump off the page at me. "Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you." For the rest of the day, as we drove through York and Shippensburg looking at campuses, those words were in the forefront of my mind.

I understood how God had been with Moses. I had just finished reading through the account of the wanderings in the desert. God was ever-present, interceding, faithful, forgiving, compassionate, but also HOLY in those accounts. The thought that He could abide with us in the same manner blew me away.

I filed that thought away to mull over later.

We looked at various campuses in the Central PA area, but it was not until three days later in Pittsburgh that we knew we were home. Here's my entry from the 27th.

We really liked the CMU campus. Something just felt right about it. Pittsburgh was pretty, too. I would be scared to death of driving here, but would get used to it, I'm sure. I really like the bridges and all the tall, skinny houses. I'm scared to death today, but excited at the same time!

And here we are now.....four years later.....settled and established in the place where God has called us.

Looking back, it's incredible to see how God orchestrated it all.

March, 2003--went to support school in Topeka, Kansas. Felt like God further confirmed our calling through one of our team leaders, who was from Pittsburgh, and had been saved while in college. His Jewish family had totally disowned him after his conversion, but Ellis went on into full-time ministry and is now impacting college ministers all over the United States through Campus Crusade.

September 1, 2003--It became clear that we needed to make our calling public, and focus full-time on support raising. We quit our jobs and spent the next weeks intensely praying and visiting prospective supporters.

October, 2003--Doug moved to Pittsburgh to find us a house. He came home right before Thanksgiving.

December 28th, 2003--after a hurried Christmas that we barely even remember--we loaded up the moving van and drove to Pennsylvania. Amazingly, we were at 80% of our support!!! I can't even tell you how it came in--it's like God just put it in our account Himself.

December 31, 2003--closed on a home I had just seen for the first time.

January, 2004--Moved in amidst 28 straight days of snow and freezing rain. Had our first CrossSeekers worship time on campus, and started meeting with our intern, Chris Massa.

But when we walked into our first meeting at CMU, I felt really out of place. There were only 12 students there--all male--most of them graduate students--and all engineers. My first thought was, "How will I ever fit into this environment?"

March, 2004--We realized that we were not going to be able to do campus ministry the way it had been done when we were in college. So we scrapped all of our agendas, and just began praying that God would send 8 core leaders to build upon.

2004-2005 school year--it was amazing what God did. One by one, those leaders simply walked through the door and told us that God had led them to be part of our group. It certainly wasn't anything that we were doing. Jarrod said that he actually hated our meetings at first, but came out of obedience to God. : )

2005-2006--we just stand in awe of what God has done. Our group has grown, and reflects a diversity and broad spectrum of campus life (no longer just male, graduate engineers--although we still have some of those who are key leaders in our group and who we are so thankful for!!!) We have been privileged to see students come to Christ, and others grow deeper in their walk. We've seen them gain a heart for missions and a passion for unreached people groups. We've had opportunities to serve, both in our own community and overseas. Our small groups are thriving. The students are passionate about reaching their lost friends. God is at work on our campus.

October 29, 2006--we start the new church plant in Oakland. We'll be meeting in John and Amanda's apartment, and starting with 12 core members.

November, 2006-eternity--can't wait to see what God has planned. : )

WOW!!! Even though these past four years have had tough points, too, I can only be grateful that God has allowed us to be part of what He is doing in Pittsburgh.

Isa 64:3 When you did awesome things that we did not look for, you came down, the mountains quaked at your presence.
Isa 64:4 From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for him.

What I'm learning from the Qur'an

One of our Muslim friends gave us a copy of the Qur'an last week. It has been interesting to read it, and it has given me a deeper love and concern for my friends.

There was a time when I would not have felt comfortable reading it, or even having one in my home. But I have realized three things: 1) Our Bible is the living, active Word of God---this is simply a book. I don't need to be afraid of it 2) "Greater is He who is in me, than he who is in the world." (1 John 4:1-6) and 3) Reading it helps me better understand, and so be better able to pray for, communicate with and serve my Muslim friends.

What I have discovered so far has made me sad. When you read the Qur'an, it is a very binding set of laws. Adam and I were discussing it, and both had the same impression. He asked, "where is the evidence of love? I see strong teachings about judgement and mercy, but where is the love from God to man?"

When Adam asked one of our Muslim friends that question, our friend seemed to indicate that love only exists between a man and a woman. Even phileo love, between brothers, was a somewhat foreign concept to him.

He was explaining how Allah is a reactive God. If we extend a hand towards him, then he will extend an arm back towards us. If we walk towards him, he will run towards us. It is very dependent on works and our ability to be "good enough". Their very lives are ruled by daily legalistic practices, and they are constantly held in the tension between their good and bad deeds. No matter how loyal and good they strive to be, they still also have no assurance that they will "make it" to paradise. (with one exception, which is the killing of infidels. I think I actually understand better about that, but don't want to discuss it in this post.)

As our friend stated, "we live in a balance between fear and hope."

Just studying the Qur'an has made me incredulously grateful for our God. He is so good, and his love endures forever!!!! When I see Him contrasted against the gods of other religions, I realize what an incredible and incomprehensible gift He has given us.

I also have a fuller understanding of the magnitude of His sacrifice. No other religion has a god who was willing to humble Himself to the point of becoming one of us. And yet He went beyond that, and gave His very life on our behalf!!! Why would He continue to love us that much, when we fall so short? How can He be so Holy, and yet also so merciful?

Thanks be to God, for His indescribable Gift.

Letter from Adam

The picture is refusing to show up--I'll try again later. For now, this represents Adam's face. : )


Yesterday was our regular lemonade table in the middle of campus. That is always the highlight of my week, because it is the time we really get to engage in some deep conversations with students who are not believers.

But this year I have had another joy, in getting to watch our intern, Adam, interacting with students. It was only 13 months ago that Adam himself found a personal relationship with Christ.

I can't tell you how fun it is just to be around him and watch God working through him. Adam has absorbed the Word and grown faster than anyone I've ever known. He is sold out, and has a passion for reaching the nations. He was one of five students who spent Spring Break ministering in Peru (in the picture above he is with one of the men he met there.) Adam definitely has the gift of evangelism!!!

I asked him if he would write something for my blog. Here it is:

The difference between knowing God
and knowing about God

A few years ago, I used to know about God. I knew what the bible said He did: that He came to die for our sins and reconcile us back to Himself. I knew that He asked us: 1) not to sin, 2) to love others and to be good to them, 3) to love
Him most of all.

I dutifully went to church every Sunday morning and tried to be good to others because it was what I was supposed to do. In appearance, it may have looked like I really loved God, I think I even fooled myself.

But truthfully, it was a chore for me, I couldn't wait to put in my hours and forget about Him for the week. His commandments were things I had to do. I did not enjoy my time that was spent doing godly things. I would rather have been elsewhere, doing what I wanted to do.

In church, when we were supposed to be in His presence, my thoughts drifted to "How much longer" or "this is so boring". What would I have done if I would have had to put up with this "bordem" for all eternity?

That changed a little over a year ago; now I know God. I know why He needed to come and die for us. I desire to be with Him at all times now. Being with Him on Sunday morning is one thing I now look forward to as an essential part of the week.

In fact, I don't even have to wait til Sunday morning anymore, I can be with Him 24/7. It is no longer out of duty that I follow His commandments, but because I want to follow them and to serve Him.

I wait eagerly for the day when in heaven I am able to be with Him for all eternity. Now that I know Him, I know that I truly love Him.

In Christ,

Adam

When Taking a Stand Hurts

This has not been a fun week. There have been several different situations occur that have forced me way out of my comfort zone and caused me to have to stand in very lonely and difficult positions. I absolutely HATE confrontation or hurting anyone's feelings.


1. There was an issue with my Bible Study. I have so been enjoying that group and the fellowship of other women. But we started a new series this week, and it was simply not truth. In fact, the man whose book we are studying is a Universalist.

So I had to take a tough stand and confront what I believe is heresy. It has made me a very unpopular person, and a very lonely one. Even though I have tried to be respectful and as gentle as possible, I dared to question a beloved teacher, and then had to take it to a higher authority. So my name is mud.

I also lost my outlet for fellowship and study with other women.


2. One of my dear friends in ministry is currently making some decisions that go against God's principles. I have tried to be honest with her, and am concerned that she is on a fast track to a lot of pain, hurt, and possibly the end of her ministry.

However, I seem to be the only one counseling her against pursuing the relationship with this man. Even though others have concerns, no one wants to hurt her feelings.

It has caused a barrier between us, and makes me sad. Not only that, but I feel like it will ultimately hurt her ministry and the lives that God has given her stewardship of. The Lord puts boundaries in place to protect us and to guard His Holiness. When we violate that, there are consequences.


3. I learned this week that one of my own mentors, and a man I deeply respect, resigned from his church after confessing to a moral shortcoming.

I believe that in this case he could be biblically restored, and the situation can lead to a powerful testimony of the grace of God. But my fear is that it won't happen.

Ministers are just as human and as susceptible to falling as anyone else. Most people will acknowledge that.

But few churches create a healthy or safe climate for those who are struggling. There is no way to find healthy accountability when they first begin to slip, and no place to find restoration when they do fall. We have built a culture of condemnation.

I personally will not condemn or shame this man, and chose to remove myself from some conversations as a result.

I am sad and grieved for him and his family, because I know that he truly loves the Lord, and that he has been used powerfully in the lives of many people through the years. I can only imagine how much he is beating himself up over all of this, and admire his character in coming forward when he could easily have continued to hide the sin.

I also know that "but for the grace of God go I." All of us deal with temptation and struggles of the flesh.


4. I've had to tell some people who I love that their deepest conviction is a lie.

I struggle with this, because so many of my friends are not Christians. Many of them subscribe to other world religions. They are devout in their beliefs, and very dedicated in the practice of their faith. Yet so, so lost.

Tomorrow night one of those friends is coming to dinner. He is a wonderful person whose company we truly enjoy, and also a devout Muslim. On Sunday we will be spending time with another couple who are in a similiar position.

A popular mindset here in Pittsburgh is the notion that "as long as a person is truly SEEKING, and is devout in their faith, then God will surely have mercy on them and allow them into heaven."

But that is simply not Biblical. There is no other name on earth by which men may be saved.

Do you know how hard it is to answer a friend when they ask, "So you believe that I will go to hell, because I don't serve YOUR God?" It would be so much more comfortable, and so much easier, to say, "God is so loving and merciful that He will forgive anyway, as long as you truly are seeking."

But we cannot water down the truth. If we believe in the inerrant, infallible Word of God, then there is no compromise.

Even when it hurts.

A Lost Virtue?

Something we have been discussing recently in our home is the virtue of honor. What does it mean to truly "honor God"? What does it mean to honor those around us, beginning with our family?

I love my daughter Anna's description. She said, "it means to act kind and loving towards someone, and pray for them, even when they are getting on your last nerve."

Sadly, I think American society is lacking in honor. Even the church and the home are missing this crucial element. I am speaking personally on this--I wish we exhibited more honor within my own immediate family.

But as a society, we no longer seem to respect our elders, or extend kindness to others, or greet strangers on the street. We have become an individualistic, me-centered culture.

But what does God say about honor? Here are just a few of the verses we came across:

Pro 3:9 Honor the LORD from your wealth And from the first of all your produce;
Pro 3:10 So your barns will be filled with plenty And your vats will overflow with new wine.

Pro 3:35 The wise will inherit honor, But fools display dishonor.

Pro 15:33 The fear of the LORD is the instruction for wisdom, And before honor comes humility.

Pro 20:29 The glory of young men is their strength, And the honor of old men is their gray hair.

Pro 21:21 He who pursues righteousness and loyalty finds life, righteousness and honor.

Pro 22:4 The reward of humility and the fear of the LORD Are riches, honor and life.

Pro 29:23 A man's pride will bring him low, But a humble spirit will obtain honor.

Isa 29:13 Then the Lord said, "Because this people draw near with their words And honor Me with their lip service, But they remove their hearts far from Me, And their reverence for Me consists of tradition learned by rote,
Isa 29:14 Therefore behold, I will once again deal marvelously with this people, wondrously marvelous; And the wisdom of their wise men will perish, And the discernment of their discerning men will be concealed."

Exo 20:12 "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.

Lev 19:32 'You shall rise up before the grayheaded and honor the aged, and you shall revere your God; I am the LORD.

Mal 2:2 "If you do not listen, and if you do not take it to heart to give honor to My name," says the LORD of hosts, "then I will send the curse upon you and I will curse your blessings; and indeed, I have cursed them already, because you are not taking it to heart.

Luk 14:10 "But when you are invited, go and recline at the last place, so that when the one who has invited you comes, he may say to you, 'Friend, move up higher'; then you will have honor in the sight of all who are at the table with you.

Joh 5:22 "For not even the Father judges anyone, but He has given all judgment to the Son,
Joh 5:23 so that all will honor the Son even as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent Him.

Rom 1:21 For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened.

Rom 12:9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good.
Rom 12:10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor;
Rom 12:11 not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord;
Rom 12:12 rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer,
Rom 12:13 contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality.
Rom 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
Rom 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.
Rom 12:16 Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation.

1Ti 1:17 Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.

1Ti 5:3 Honor widows who are widows indeed;

1Pe 2:17 Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king.

What is your definition of "honor"? What are some insights you have on this topic? Any other verses to share?

Spiritual Warfare and Training

Our sending church back in Oklahoma City--Southern Hills--has started a study that I am so incredibly excited about.

It is called 90 Days Through the Bible and gets people digging into the Word of God.

I am so proud to have come from a church who understands the "first things." The Bible is living, active and powerful. It changes lives, heals and transforms. It is our spiritual weapon, and our source of peace. It does not return void.

Psalm 119:165 "Those who love Your law have great peace, And nothing causes them to stumble."

Cry of my heart

Yesterday was such an amazing day on campus, that I am struggling to put it into words. It was one of those intense, God-orchestrated times.

We had just set up our lemonade table, when Khalid and Mohuiddin came along and camped out next to us. They are two students who we already know well, and they were putting up a booth for the Muslim Student Association.

We were able to spend the next six hours of the day fellowshipping and hanging out with several members of their group. Many of them we already had friendships with.

We talked about God and Islam and Christianity. We clowned around, discussed life in general and just enjoyed each other's company. There was an openness and ease that was refreshing. We were able to ask honest questions and genuinely learn from one another.

At one point in the day, I was in a deep conversation with a guy named Mohamed when my Israeli friend, Shary, came along. She is someone who I have not seen in a long time, and I was eager to hear about the group of Jewish American students she took on their Birthright trip to Israel this Summer.

(I also love the fact that an Israeli Jew, an Egyptian Muslim and an American Christian were standing in the middle of campus together!)

Through the course of the day, we had many incredible opportunities, which I won't share in detail on a public forum. But it was clear that God is actively at work on our campus.

The day was so full of meaningful conversations that we didn't even have time to eat lunch. I managed to get down three crackers at one point between dialogues, but that was it.

As I was driving home I could hardly contain my excitement. But at the same time my heart was heavy.

It hurts to love people with a veil over their eyes. It's painful to plead for the souls of your friends, not knowing their ultimate destiny. All I can do is cling to the hope that God, in His mercy, will open their eyes and hearts to see the deity of Jesus.

You know what is interesting, though? God has given me a passion and love for the "people of the book" that I did not have before coming to Pittsburgh. In fact, if you had asked me how I felt about both the Muslims and the Jews just a few years ago, I would have said that I hoped to never be called to live with either one. Both have a reputation for their religous zeal and ruthlessness. My assumption has always been that they were so set in their beliefs that they would never listen to someone like me.

But God has softened my heart. Two things happened Monday which just confirm that fact.

I decided to stop by the University Center that morning, before meeting with a student. As I walked in, I noticed a little Jewish boy, about 2 or 3 years old, playing at his mother's feet. His dark hair curled around the edges of his kippah, and his huge brown eyes were deep and innocent.

I wanted to run up and just pray over him, to plead with God that this family would be part of the remnant who recognized that the Messiah had come. That morning I had read Romans 9 and 10--the passage which speaks of Paul's desire to see the salvation of the Jews.

The words of Romans 10:1-2 rang out in my heart. "Brethren, my heart's desire and my prayer to God for them is for their salvation. For I testify about them that they have a zeal for God, but not in accordance with knowledge."

I echo those words, but my prayer does not stop there. It extends to all the descendants of Abraham. Even though Isaac and Ishmael were sons of Abraham--called the "friend of God"--their children no longer have a relationship with Him.

Monday evening Doug and I watched the movie "United 93". The whole movie was intense. But one scene hit me really hard, and for reasons you might not expect.

It was the point in the story where everyone on board the plane realized that they were going to die. The passengers frantically recited the Lord's Prayer, while the terrorists passionately prayed to Allah. Again, I thought about Paul's words--"they have a zeal for God, but not in accordance with knowledge."

A few years ago, I would have only felt anger towards men who could commit such a heinous act. But today, my heart breaks for a people deceived by the darkness. I am sad for them. They are so sincere, yet misguided in their pursuit of righteousness.

But I cling to this hope. I know that God is love. I know that He is merciful. He changes lives. He alone is God.

Psalm 146:8-10 The LORD opens the eyes of the blind; The LORD raises up those who are bowed down; The LORD loves the righteous;
The LORD protects the strangers; He supports the fatherless and the widow, But He thwarts the way of the wicked.
The LORD will reign forever, Your God, O Zion, to all generations. Praise the LORD!

Invite the poor, crippled, lame and blind

Tuesday at Bible Study God clearly spoke to me again. We were in Luke 14, and had just gotten to the parable of the feast.

Luke 14:12 And He also went on to say to the one who had invited Him, "When
you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or
your relatives or rich neighbors, otherwise they may also invite you in return
and that will be your repayment.
Luke 14:13 "But when you give a reception, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind........

Suddenly God smacked me over the head. BAM!!!! I saw the answer to what has been troubling me about the church over the past several months.

Those of you who know me, realize that I have longed for a place to really dig deep into the Word and fellowship with other Christians. I yearn to openly discuss, question and dialogue about the richness of the Bible and the wonders of our God. I want to be with hungry people.

I have been increasingly disgruntled at not being able to find that place. I want to go deeper than a few verses, Sunday School answers and "self-help Christianity". I need to be with those who can be real and transparent about their struggles, yet who recognize that through the power of Him who lives within us, we can navigate the complexities of life. I want to be in an "iron-sharpens-iron" environment, where we can share the joy of peeling back the layers of God's Word and discover precious nuggets of truth together.

I have, in my despair, asked "Lord, do you not care that I have a place to grow....to refresh...to be in fellowship....and to find accountability? How can I lead others when I have no place to refill???"

But I have been looking in the wrong place.

"invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind..."

Yesterday I saw my city with fresh eyes. I live every day among the spiritually poor, crippled, lame and blind. I have very few in my world who are "seasoned" Christians, or who have ever had the opportunity to be discipled or to study the Word. Most of the people around me do not even have a personal relationship with Christ.

But if I get truly gut-level honest with myself, I don't really want to spend my time in the insulation of the church walls.

In this parable, it goes on to tell how the invited guests who already knew the host made excuses not to come. Unfortunately, they took their relationship with him for granted, and did not feel an urgency to come to the feast.

By contrast, those with great need were hungry. Coming to the table was a privilege for them, and they came with eagerness and excitement.

I immediately thought of Adam. One of my favorite things in the whole world is just to spend time talking with him. I love his questions. I love his depth. I love his childlike faith.

It is refreshing just to be around him. I can't explain how amazing it is to watch him share his faith on Wednesdays at the table. That kid is a walking sponge, and he is devouring the truth of the Word. In his one short year of being a Christian, he has reached a point where I now seek counsel from him, because his perspective is so fresh and spirit-driven.

I thought about how much of my life has been spent attending church-related events. While they have their merit, that's not where my heart lies. I want to feast and fellowship with the poor, crippled, lame and blind!!! How fun to be around people who recognize the invitation to the meal as a privilege, honor and blessing.

I realize that my calling is to invite the hungry to the table. And I believe through the power of the living, active Word of God, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I can be refreshed in that environment while discipling others. I don't need to find a group of "seasoned" Christians. I need to begin serving those who may not even yet know Who they are looking for.

My perspective has changed today. I realize what a blessing it is to be on a campus where I have endless opportunities. I get to interact with those blinded by false religion, crippled by church abuse, and poor in spirit because they never had the opportunity to grow in their faith.

We live in a neighborhood and go to school with lost, hurting, poor souls longing for answers. I shop at a store, and eat at restaurants, and go to sporting events with people who are spiritually empty.

And what a refreshment my Bible Study is!!! I love the fact that there is a curiosity and innocence and freedom from pre-conceived "churchiology". This last week sincere questions were raised on everything from extreme unction to Katherine Kuhlman and Islam!!!

Lord, I thank you for the blessing of being able to freely feast on your Word. Thank you for our daily bread. Draw the hungry to your table, and let them find the satisfaction that only comes from knowing you.

Divine appointments

I love it when God orchestrates divine appointments. It happened to me on Monday.

I started this week realizing that I was not on top of my game spiritually. I know God is GOD, and at the core of my spirit, that belief has not wavered. But I am disillusioned right now with "church", and wrestling with my own position on some spiritual issues.

So walking down Forbes on Monday, I told God, "It's going to have to be all you and your Holy Spirit today. In my weakness, reveal your strength."

At that very point, God said to me, "I need you to talk to Ray." Ray is the mail carrier who works on Forbes, and I really don't bump into him that often. God would have to make that happen if he wanted us to talk.

I was also a little unsettled by the thought of dialoguing with him when I wasn't feeling particularly spiritual. I enjoy our conversations, but he is very intellectual, and can be blunt and intimidating. Ray was raised in a traditional religion, but got burned and left as a young teen. He would now probably call himself more Unitarian.

But as I got to the bottom of Forbes, I saw him. And he clearly was headed towards me.

We ended up talking through his entire lunch break, but it was such a good conversation. God recently brought a priest and some others into his life who are stirring up questions in his spirit. It was exciting to realize that there are multiple dimensions of God's activity occuring--including many that I will never even know. I am simply one small piece of the bigger plan for Ray's life.

We had more to talk about that we had time, so we ended the conversation with a promise to pick it up again on campus in the near future. He knows where our office is in the University Center, so hopefully we can dialogue again soon.

The coolest part is that it was TOTALLY God speaking through me that morning. My mind and my flesh could never have come up with the things that were said. It is so cool when God does that.

Continue to pray for Ray. I believe that God is working in him, and has an incredible plan for his life. I don't know that I will ever get to see the unfolding of it. So much of what we do is the initial seed planting. But God in His goodness continues to allow imperfect people like me to be part of carrying his incredible story to a lost and dying world. What a privilege!!!

2Co 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2Co 12:10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

A Father's Blessing

I was recently reading in 2 Samuel 6, when this verse struck me, "Then David came back to give a blessing to his family" (2 Sam. 6:20a).

If you remember, it was right after they had gone and retrieved the ark of God, and had just finished an incredible time of worship.

I find it interesting that David's priority after such an intense spiritual experience was to go and bless his family.

One of my former pastors, Rex Holt, would pray a "Father's Blessing" over his kids each night at bedtime. It was straight scripture, and I believe had a powerful impact on them growing up.

Do any of you practice a "Father's Blessing", and if so, how exactly do you go about it? I am intrigued by this concept, and would love to hear from you.

Our New Addition

On Saturday we added a new member to our family. She is a sweetie! We're pretty sure that she is all beagle. Our neighbor looked at her and said she has the markings of a purebred dog, even though we got her from a rescue.

The hardest part was leaving with her. The mother beagle happened to be in a cage beside where our car was parked. When she saw her puppy, she ran to the fence, stuck her nose through, and was whimpering for her little one. It almost broke my heart.

We haven't given her a name yet, because our family can't come to a consensus on anything. So for now, it's just "little girl." She's a snuggler who likes nothing better than to sit on your lap and have her head scratched.

But she's also a typical toddler. Into everything, and it all goes in the mouth. We've suddenly realized how non-babyproofed our house has become.

Thankfully, she's a really easy and smart dog, who already sleeps through the night, loves her crate, and is catching on to housetraining. We had two new firsts this morning--leash training and a bath (neither of which she was real fond of.)

All of you in the Pittsburgh area are more than welcome to come meet her. She LOVES people!!!

Our City is Mourning

I am grieving today with my fellow Pittsburghers over the loss of our Mayor, Bob O'Connor. If there is anything that could be said about this man, it is that he LOVED this city and gave his life to serving her.

He was "the People's Mayor"--and loved nothing more than walking the streets downtown, mingling with citizens, or eating in a restaurant up on Forbes. He had huge dreams and ambitions for this city, to restore her to the glory days that she previously knew.

When he spoke about Pittsburgh, his whole face would light up. He had dreamed of being mayor of our city for most of his life. That dream finally came true last November, when on his third attempt he was elected mayor.

One reason he has been such a good mayor, is that he is truly a Pittsburgher. In his lifetime has worked in a steel mill and in the family restaurant, served over a decade on city council, and even became a Eucharistic minister of the Catholic church so that he could serve communion to residents in senior care centers. He initiated the "Redd Up" campaign to clean up our downtown area, and had a strategy to bring economic health back to Pittsburgh.

Mayor O'Connor did not expect to hold such a short term in office. When he went to the hospital in July with flu-like symptoms, he had no idea that he would be diagnosed with brain cancer and succumb so quickly to the illness.

Our whole city has been in prayer for the O'Connor family these past few weeks. I've often wondered where he stood with God, and prayed that He knew the Lord as his Savior. I know that he was a devout Catholic whose son is a priest. However, only God knows the heart of a man.

But I've learned so much from the example of Mayor O'Connor. I hope that I can have as much passion, joy and allegiance to the city of my King as Mayor O'Connor did for Pittsburgh. It has given me a new desire to "get back to Kingdom purposes" and lay aside the messy distractions that have been in my way.

I don't know how much time I will have on this earth, either. But at the end of my life, when I get to heaven, I want to hear "she was a loyal citizen of the King."

Redd up, yens. We've got Kingdom purposes to fulfill.

Stained Glass Masquerade

Apparently the topic of my last few posts struck a chord. I have received emails from several people who feel the same way.

Interestingly enough, most of them are missionaries or former missionaries.

There is a Casting Crowns song out right now that speaks volumes. It's called "Stained Glass Masquerade", and is on their Lifesong album.

But these words hit me between the eyes. Here's an excerpt from the song:

Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay



So what do you think is the answer? Why do we seem to struggle so much to find that genuine connection and transparent fellowship? Do you think it has to do with the individualism and busyness of the American culture? Or is it something else?

Whoa

I had an overwhelming experience yesterday. And I'm still processing it. But I also have a sense of hope through this that I haven't had in a long time.

This has been a tough season of my life. We have been so isolated here in the ministry.

I've also been really questioning my call as a woman in ministry. Even though I know what God Himself has told me, I also hear the voice of leaders in our denomination telling me that I can't be who I am called to be. So I live under that constant tension, confusion and pressure.

Those who know me well will tell you I have not been myself for a while. So yesterday I decided to join a Bible Study group that was recommended by a local counselor. It meets on Tuesdays, which is my day off campus.

But what I found at this study caught me off guard. First of all, the teacher was this dear, funny lady who has been in full-time ministry for over 21 years. She also happens to be 84 years old, and talks about God in such a warm, personal way that it's as if He is standing next to her in the room.

The group ranged in age from early 20s through senior adults. But there was something unique about them from the moment I walked in. They were so REAL and transparent. Each lady was at a different point in her journey, but it was so clear that they were deeply in love with Christ and had a reverence for the Word of God.

They were also not afraid to speak openly and freely. There were questions asked and statements made that I had never heard in a Bible Study before. Raw, genuine questions like, "why does the Bible teach that premarital sex is wrong?"

I realized that most of these women had come to Christ later in lives and were free from the influences of church culture. Since they were at all different stages of their walk, and did not know yet how to play the Christian "game", there were no questions/comments that were off limits. It was SOOOO refreshing.

It also occurred to me that they had not yet been given the list of "THOU SHALT NOTS FOR WOMEN" that those of us who have grown up in church have lived under. Every single woman in that room was plugged into ministry of some sort, even though they were all wives and mothers and some were even fairly new believers. There was no wrestling with "Can I do this if I'm female?" or "should I wait until I'm more grounded in my faith?" There was this general attitude of "how can I keep from sharing what God has done in my life?!!!!"

We were studying the parable of the Good Samaritan. We had just passed the part where the man was beaten up, and began discussing the role of the thieves in the story. We all agreed that they represent satan, who has come to "steal, kill and to destroy." We discussed how satan's goal is to defeat us and keep us from fulfilling God's call on our life.

But the next part hit me between the eyes. The teacher said, "Did you notice where the next source of pain comes from, though? Who ignored the man when he was at his point of greatest need? How often do you see the Law and the Church abandoning the hurting Christian?"

That did it. I started to sob. Thirty seven years of deep wounds started to come out. That was me. I have felt such pain from my church and denomination.

I realized these women have a freedom in Christ that I don't. They don't even have a concept of what I mean when I speak of the bondage I feel as a woman in the church. I couldn't even really voice it. I just sobbed.

Do you know what they did next, though? They did not treat me like a freak for breaking down. They didn't scold me for being too emotional or for stating that church authorities can be hurtful and mean.

They surrounded me and laid hands on me and prayed for me.

I can't tell you what that was like.

I realized something yesterday. We didn't spend the majority of our time in there talking about the opinions of biblical authorities, or the accomplishments of noted personalities, or church doctrine, or programs, or church history, or philosophy.

We talked about God. We discussed how amazing, wonderful, loving, graceful, kind, patient, creative and personal He is. And when our eyes were looking up, rather than vertical, there was such freedom in Christ, not bondage.

I'm still not really sure what happened yesterday. My head is still spinning. But I want what those women have. And I want to find that freedom to be who I am called to be by my Lord and Savior.

"You can't leave God out of prayer"

Last night as I was preparing dinner, Joshua came in with an intense look on his face. "Mommy," he said. "I think I'm going to put a note in my teacher's 'I have a problem' box."

I stopped cooking to give him my full attention. "One of our spelling words this week is 'pray' ", he explained, "and the definition that we were given for it is 'to hope very much.' That's just wrong. You can't leave God out of prayer."

Later in the evening, he decided to also write the publisher of his spelling book. So I helped him find the contact info and send an email.

Here's what he wrote:

Dear Houghton-Mifflin:

One of my spelling words this week is
"pray". Your Reading Vocabulary book says that it means "to hope very much."

That's wrong. To pray is to talk to God. Webster's dictionary even
defines it as "to talk to God."

Thanks.

Joshua

Son, I have another definition for you. It's the word "conviction", and it means "to have the courage to stand up for what you believe."

We're proud of you, kiddo.

Middle School Woes

Anna started Middle School yesterday. And apparently the world also came to an end.

I put a very tearful kid to bed last night. It was hard to see her like that.

Anna is such an incredible daughter. She is sweet, charming, loving, and fun. She is very self-sufficient, with a creative flair (she made the cake in this picture all by herself) and has her Daddy's ability to stretch a dollar insanely far.

But two things she is not: a morning person, or a big fan of change. So a 6:30 bus, and 12 periods of classes have literally rocked her world.

I tried to encourage her by telling her my Middle School horror stories. After all....I survived it and am proof that there is life beyond 6th grade.

I remember my first day at McArthur Middle School in Jonesboro, AR. It was 7th grade, and we'd just come back to the States on furlough.

I realized immediately it was going to be a challenge. There should be boot camp for things like combination locks, opening milk cartons, and dealing with 8th grade boys who burp and throw spit balls.

But the most horrific moment came when I walked into English. From the back of the room Jim, EVIL Jim, stated, "aren't you that kid who wet her pants back in 3rd grade?"

YES, I wet my pants in 3rd grade. It was our last furlough, and my first day EVER in public school. The math teacher was a total meanie who warned us that we had better not interrupt her teaching with any trivia. When I realized I needed to go to the restroom, I was too afraid to raise my hand. I just sat there, frozen, as the yellow puddle under my chair grew bigger and bigger.

So that lovely announcement from Jim kicked off my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad first day in Middle School. And I came out of it still breathing, and even managed to make some friends in the process.

Do any of you have some words of wisdom or stories that you could share with Anna of how you survived the "tween" years?

Getting Older

This month my big brother and my supervisor both turn 40. It's made me very conscious of how suddenly we've arrived at "middle age." So in honor of Mark and Jerome, here's a little article taken from www.seniorresource.com. Enjoy!

NINETEEN THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN By Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

19. Your friends love you anyway.

Walking to the Sky

There's a sculpture on our campus that just intrigues me. You can read more about it here.

What story in the Bible does it remind you of? It amazes me how civilization never learns. We still believe that we our own accomplishments will be our salvation.

Yesterday was international orientation. It was their first day on campus. I watched as a mosaic of people, from various races and multiple nations, paused at the base of the sculpture to look up into the sky.

I wondered what each of their stories were. I wanted to ask, "What are you really searching for? Do you know HIM--the One?"

Pray for our campus as we get ready to begin a new year. Once again, we have the opportunity to impact the world from our little base in Oakland. Pray that we would make the most of every opportunity.

I think of the words of David and of the people of Israel:

1Ch 16:23-35

Sing to the LORD, all the earth; Proclaim good tidings of His salvation from day to day.

Tell of His glory among the nations, His wonderful deeds among all the peoples.

For great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised; He also is to be feared above all gods.

For all the gods of the peoples are idols, But the LORD made the heavens.

Splendor and majesty are before Him, Strength and joy are in His place.

Ascribe to the LORD, O families of the peoples, Ascribe to the LORD glory and strength.

Ascribe to the LORD the glory due His name; Bring an offering, and come before Him; Worship the LORD in holy array.

Tremble before Him, all the earth; Indeed, the world is firmly established, it will not be moved.

Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice; And let them say among the nations, "The LORD reigns."

Let the sea roar, and all it contains; Let the field exult, and all that is in it.

Then the trees of the forest will sing for joy before the LORD; For He is coming to judge the earth.

O give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; For His lovingkindness is everlasting.

Then say, "Save us, O God of our salvation, And gather us and deliver us from the nations, To give thanks to Your holy name, And glory in Your praise."

I've been tagged

I have been tagged by both Tim Sweatman and Rob Slagle, so I guess I had better respond.

I had recently sworn off books, having assumed I fulfilled my quota of them last year. Somewhere between McManus and Sproul I think I blew a fuse, so had gone back to my standard reading level--things like the "Adventures of Calvin and Hobbes" and Strongbad's emails.

But here goes nothing.

1. One book that changed your life: It's really a bible study rather than a book, but it was the Covenant study by Kay Arthur. Not only did the topic significantly impact me, but it was also where I learned the inductive Bible study method. Another great Bible Study that has recently impacted me is "Believing God" by Beth Moore.
One book that influenced me at a crucial time in my life was "The Sacred Romance" by Curtis and Eldredge.
2. One book that you've read more than once: "A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23" by W. Philip Keller. I love anything by him. Another one of his that I've read multiple times is "What is the Father Like?" One I really want is "Rabboni: Which is to say, Master."
3. One book that you'd want on a desert island: "Primitive Living, Self-Sufficiency, and Survival Skills: A Field Guide to Primitive Living Skills"
by Thomas J. Elpel
4. One book that made you laugh: "The #1 Ladies Detective Agency" by Alexander Mcall Smith. Not only is it true to African culture, it's just cute.
5. One book that made you cry: "A Child Named 'It'" by Dave Pelzer. In some ways I wish it had never been written. But it is the reality of child abuse.
6. One book that you wish you had written: "The Kneeling Christian" by an unknown Christian
7. One book you wish had never been written: "101 Uses for a Dead Cat" by Simon Bond
8. One book that you are currently reading: Just finished "Israel, My Beloved" by Kay Arthur, and now reading "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
9. One book that you've been meaning to read: "Rees Howells, Intercessor" by Norman Grubb.

I tag James Touchton, Kelly Reed and Jerome Stockert.

Road Trip---Need Your Help

One of the pivotal events in our ministry each year has been the Passion conference which is held during the Winter break. Not only has it had a huge impact on our students, but has shaped our entire ministry.

The past two years it has been held in Nashville, and we've taken 12 and 21 students respectively. Local churches there in Tennessee have been kind enough to let our group sleep in their gym or family life center, which has enabled us to keep the price for students at an affordable rate.

But this year Passion moved to Atlanta! So we are needing to find a place to stay on the way down (since it will be an 11+ hour trip for us) and church in that area who would be willing to let us stay in their facilities. We may possibly be combining with the Penn State group as well, and we'll probably bring around 20 students each.

All we really need are shower/bathroom facilities and a floor to crash on. If you know of anyone who might can help us, then please let us know ASAP.

Our housing needs for P07:

Two nights stay in a gym/family life center with showers - somewhere along the I-77 corridor in North Carolina, or anywhere from Winston/Salem to Charlotte (on the way to Atlanta).
1st night we would arrive in the evening of 12/31 and depart the morning of 1/1
2nd night we would arrive in the late afternoon/evening of 1/4 and depart the morning of 1/5

Three nights stay in a gym/family life center with showers - anywhere in the Atlanta area - preferably near the Philips Arena in downtown Atlanta
We would be arriving in the afternoon of 1/1, and departing the morning of 1/4